Day Twentysix

I cannot believe I have made it this long, the practice is feeling like second nature. It will be strange to change things up again for the month of July. I am excited though to be getting back to my mat, in my little yoga room to dive deeper into my personal practice. I will certainly visit the Bikram yoga studio from time to time, to sweat it out and to recharge.

I can feel the vacation daydreams coming on strong now, I don't even feel like blogging!

One day to go!!!

Day Twentythree

Oh the list of what not to do in Bikram has grown.

I spent the first half of the entire standing series in pain, a very strange pain that I was having difficulty deciphering. I noticed that throughout the first few minutes of class my knees were filling with a sort of burning sensation. As you know, my knees have been sore the past few days, so I was left thinking, "Oh my god, what have I done now." These types of thoughts continued for what seemed like hours and I kept returning my awareness to my breath, breathing through the sensation. The sensations were different from most joint pain I have ever felt. It was a hot burning feeling, like boiling water hot, flowing through my knee joint.

By the time we got to eagle pose, around 25 minutes in, it dawned on me. I had rubbed badger balm all over my knees this morning to soothe the ache. Well, badger balm it turns out, burns the crap out of your skin when you are sweating in an extremely hot room!

So I spent the remaining 90 minutes praying that the badger balm would sweat off and that I wouldn't accidentally rub it in my eye during all the head to knee postures!

It's pretty funny now, but I have realized that rule #2 of what not to do in Bikram Yoga is: Do not put badger balm on your skin even six hours before class. Rule #1 of course still being: Do not forget to do laundry before class, because you may end up with no pants on.

Day Twentyone and Twentytwo

Oh man, I had a glimmer of hope in the back of my mind that it wouldn't happen, that I could easily push myself to the limit for 30 days without any negative repercussions.

My knees are a little bit mad at me, they are sore, inflamed, and tired.

They say to kill yourself for 90 minutes instead of 90 years. Maybe I took the 'killing' part a little too literally.

On the other hand, my back feels better, stronger, longer than it has in a while. Maybe my knee comfort was sacrificed for my back, who knows, but I know it is time to slow down.

I am going to continue with my Bikram yoga journey, but it will not be for a full 30 days. I am not going to quit due to my sore knees, and actually Im not quitting at all.

Josh and I leave for vacation on Saturday which intersects my 30 day challenge (I obviously didn't think that far ahead when I planned this latest adventure.) It looks like when I finish this week it will be 25 days of Bikram- minus the two that I skipped while in Asheville, so 23 days of Bikram. Who does a 23 day challenge?

I guess I do, and it sure has been a challenge. The true Bikram challenge is 60 days, I don't think I would have the balls of steel needed to complete it, though I have met two inspiring ladies who have done it or nearly finished.

I have decided that I am super proud of my 23 days in total challenge and I am starting to think I will really miss it everyday! My downdog, shoulderstand, handstand, arm balancing self has gotten accustomed to the same 26 poses every day, none of the above included.

I have to admit that I did the first headstand in a while in the middle of my day today and it was awesome; I could have held it FOREVER!

Mmmmm headstand, downdog, handstand, crow....

Day Twenty

By far the funniest practice ever.

Warning: Do not forget to wash your yoga clothes the night before or you may end up wearing no pants.

Well, not quite. I did forget to wash my yoga clothes and was left with very few options: Bathing suit, or board shorts and yoga top. I opted for bathing suit bottoms under board shorts and white yoga top (which I now know becomes see through when you soak it in a gallon of sweat, oops.)

During the Bikram yoga sequence there is a time 25 minutes into the practice that some call party time. Jamie, one of our teachers, says it's the saddest party in the world; a few deep breaths and a sip of water. (You refrain from water the first 25 minutes to warm up, and yeah I know, it's already 104 degrees, but ok.)

So the first 25 minutes for me was borderline miserable, mostly because of the board shorts. They were too hot, too long, to wrong for practice. So, I thought to myself, you have a bathing suit on just get over it and take off your pants!

Well, that is exactly what I did. During 'party' time I whipped off my board shorts leaving myself standing, immediately cooler, in just my bathing suit bottoms.

It's the thing with Bikram, I've noticed that you leave all inhibitions at the door, and you don't care because it is just so hot. I think some people would show up naked if they would let you.

After class, It was pretty funny discussing the pants removal with the teachers. Derek said, "At one point I looked over and you had no pants on." Haha.

Well, I wont make it a habit to show up to parties with no pants on, but if said parties are heated to a staggering 104 degrees, watch out.

Day Eighteen and Nineteen

Bikram yoga day eighteen left me so tired I completely forgot to write about it. I went about what has become my Thursday routine. Wake up, have tea, check email, make a big fuss about all the emails I don't have time to answer, calm myself, go teach to a group of amazing yogis, come home, eat lunch with Josh, check and respond to emails, go to Bikram, proceed to get my ass totally kicked- not that I needed any help on this day, hurry home, shower, go teach to a new group of amazing yogis, return home, check and respond to emails....crash. There wasn't a seamless flow to the moments in between, everything was rushed, and hurried. It was a day full of yoga and a day without yoga in a sense- the in between stuff, the added doses of worry here and there. It was a day that reminded me of how much pressure I put on myself.

A lot. I am admitting here and now that I expect a great deal out of myself, sometimes to my detriment.

So, how did I begin my Bikram yoga day nineteen? By rolling out of bed at 9:00 (late), hurrying to find my yoga clothes and mat, running out the door and down the street to show up in time for my Bikram class. I was greeted at the desk with, "The newspaper is here and they are going to be taking some photos and videos." Oh my gosh are you kidding?!?! Let that go, push my body to the limit for 90 minutes, s l o w i t d o w n, walk calmly back home, take a nice relaxing shower, check new emails, write blog. It is my intention for the rest of the day to focus on the in between yoga, the transitions, the places where the monkey mind takes over. I want those times to be mine too, for them to not get caught up in the whirlwind that I can so easily create around myself.

Maybe take it easy, it is Friday after all.

Day Seventeen

Practice today was very invigorating. I walked in the studio feeling tired and a bit lethargic after having spent the majority of the day working on the computer. The heat really took the edge off as soon as entered the studio.

It's funny how one of the most uncomfortable aspects of this practice in the beginning has become so comforting now. My strength came out of nowhere today, maybe I was accessing some hidden reservoir, perhaps it was because of the time of day.

My body continues to surprise me. Just when I think I have reached my edge in a pose, I go that much deeper. The pace of physical transformation is very quick these days. I am sure it will slow eventually, but I am enjoying extending my flexibility through strength. It reminds me of my dancing days. It also reminds me of how smart the body is, that it can acquire muscle memory through repetition and in so little time!

I must remember though, everyday is a new day, who knows how it will be tomorrow.

I'm gonna go back and find out.

Day Sixteen

What I like best about this practice is the sequence. It's one of the same reasons I am attracted to Ashtanga. You can see improvement with time. I know that my body may not move like this forever, but I am going to keep it as tuned up as I can. I felt like a rock today. Solid, sturdy, focused and calm. Many of my poses were deeper than they ever have been. I feel like I am getting the 'locked' leg and my quads are getting super strong. I can feel my body using muscles I didn't even know existed, but then I have definitely said that before. Maybe in all these 26 years I haven't really been using my body to it's fullest potential, or maybe it was all the slacking off in college I am making up for. Regardless, it feels good. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, I will at least know I did it full out today.

Don't put off tomorrow, what you can do today.

Well, I didn't.

Day Fifteen

Wow, I didn't realize it until I typed it but I am halfway through my Bikram Yoga journey. Today's class was hard, really hard. Towards the end I was really having trouble getting my energy to stay even. It felt half-assed at times, even though I was working as hard as I could.

Monday, Monday, and now as I write this I am feeling even more tired. As one of the teachers Derek says, "the practice gives you exactly what you need." Well today I need a nap, but unfortunately can't take one. I am going to be nice to myself and not push beyond this afternoon. I will do my work with a clear head and heart, and move throughout my day as peacefully as I can.

Yoga today has shown me that I need some rest, it didn't give me the usual extra boost of energy and that is ok with me. I would have liked a little extra umph for the beginning of this week, but hey work with what you're given right.

Day Fourteen

Bikram Yoga day fourteen. It seems like these two weeks have flown by at super sonic speed. Time flies when you are having fun right. Well that's just it, Bikram yoga is fun for me. I am really enjoying the challenge and it reminds me of times in my life when I have engaged in exciting outdoor adventures like kayaking, rock climbing and hiking. I love the way this yoga 'excites' my body from bones to skin, as they say. It is truly invigorating and filling a hole that outdoor sports used to. I love seeing what the human body is capable of, mine and other peoples.

I am continually fascinated by the people that show up in the room. Today there was a 12 year old boy. Just think if we had all started practicing yoga that young, I envision a bunch of my friends just sitting in lotus pose hovering a few feet off the ground bending spoons and such, appearing in two places at once, and so on and so forth. It is a magical practice.

My body felt pushed to the limit today, in a good way. It was more challenging than normal- mostly mind stuff, and also the energy in the room effects me greatly. When other people's energy dies around you, it is hard not to fall like dominoes. At one point though, it gave me a little more umph to push harder hoping to bring the energy of the room back up with my energy. At other times, it made me want to crawl in a little bawl on my towel and not move for the rest of the class.

I feel really good now after practice and the walk home was very quiet for the streets that are normally bustling, serene even.

Not a bad Sunday afternoon I must say.

Day Thirteen

My body and mind feel lighter, I think I am nicer to myself and others, I am full of gratitude and love. I'm not as worried, I am less anxious, more free. I am more grounded, less resentful, more gracious, less angry. I am healthy and happy. My glass is more than half way full. I am really starting to dig the routine, the Virgo in me loves it. I miss downward dog and headstand, I will visit them again soon.

Day Twelve

Tonight's class was amazing! There were more than 30 bodies in the room, which fed the energy in a very interesting way. I found the trick to staying cooler is to get in the front row, which is the farthest away from the heating vents (this is really good to know.) I felt much cooler the past few classes, maybe due to the front row or my body becoming acclimated to the heat.

The shear number of people showing up to this studio speaks strongly about this style. I have seen a lot more men in these classes. Josh and I discussed that men may be drawn to this style more for the 'workout' aspect of it. I say, hey, whatever gets them in the door. The more styles of yoga there are, the more people they can reach out to.

As I walked by Bar.Food after class, I was stopped by a man and his wife having a sip of wine on the sidewalk. (It is always the last thing you want to be doing when you look as if you just went swimming in a pool of your own sweat.) We pleasantly discussed yoga and how there is a style to fit everybody. I encouraged them to try it. I hope they do. I hope more people get outside of their preconditioned box and try things that they never thought possible. It is our self created fears and anxieties that prevent us from doing amazing things. That part of the mind that creeps up and tells us "You're not good enough."

Well that my friends is bullshit.

We are all good enough. Everyone that has been blessed to receive a human body that breathes air all by itself, deserves to be free of the suffering caused by the mind.

Get out of your head today; try something new. What the heck, maybe even take a yoga class.

Day Five

I feel fantastic! Today's after effects were the best so far. My energy has improved, the headaches are gone, there is definitely more kick in my step. Today's class was the 60th day in a row for a fellow classmate, Cynthia. This was her final practice in the 60 days challenge, 60 days, and I thought 30 was going to be tough.

I met her on day one and she inspired me to make that two block trek back the next day. Now, even in her absence, I will continue to be inspired. I am mostly in awe of her, because not only did she commit to 60 days of Bikram yoga, but she committed to 60 days of yoga, never having practiced yoga before! It is people like Cynthia who continue to renew my practice, and my love for yoga (which ever kind I am currently practicing.)

Aside from the AWEsomeness of Cynthia, today's class was filled with wonderful insight from our instructor, Derek. He uses the space between postures to fill the heart and mind with wisdom from his soul. As a fellow yoga instructor, some of the analogies and stories I use in a similar way throughout my teaching. It is a gift every time he shares these thoughts with us, and they are so rich because they come from a place of practice. Anyone can repeat the words, but they have so much meaning coming from a place of pure truth. I found his words resonated deeply today and for that I am very grateful. Namaste

Day Four

Today was a day filled with yoga. I love Thursday's most of all because it is when I get to teach. I teach a gentle yoga basics class at noon and an all levels flow at 7:15pm. The inbetween time is usually difficult to fill, as I don't want to escape the good yoga vibes from one class to the other. Today it was easier since I had a Bikram class from 4:30-6pm.

What about that schedule did I think was going to be easy!?! It takes a lot of energy to teach a yoga class, and it takes even more energy to practice Bikram. I also rode my bike 3 miles and back to teach my first class, gave up by the end of the day and drove the car. (I am trying to ride my bike everywhere in a 5 mile radius for the summer for less impact.) I was reminded today by a saying my mom has been repeating, necessarily, to me lately, "You can not give from an empty well."

Well, I think my well was just full enough- maybe more towards the depleting side by the time I sorely crawled into bed. Was this me making up for all my "lack of effort" this past week, or perhaps me feeling good enough in my body and mind to push it to the limit?

As far as the Bikram class, the only real insight I had was after moving from the standing series to the floor series. I realized that through this practice, my body and mind were working so diligently that my spirit was able to soar freely, unrestricted for 90 minutes. It wasn't an overwhelming feeling, but one that turned the corners of my mouth upward for a second, until I started thinking about this damned heat again!

Inspiration

I just returned to the beautiful Sunny Slope Farm after the most wonderful yoga class. Jill Loftis, founder of Uttara Yoga in downtown Roanoke, led us through a heart opening and heart warming hatha flow. The space is utterly gorgeous, light beaming in through huge windows facing Kirk Ave. Wood floors that instantly root your feet into the ground, soothing music and a vibrant energy filled the room. At the closing of class, Jill passed around the 'quote bowl'. It was like a fortune cookie without the cookie. Mine was as follows:

Seek the wisdom that will untie your knot

Seek the path that demands your whole being

Leave that which is not, but appears to be

Seek that which is, but not apparent

-Rumi

I loved it, looking around the room, it appeared as if everyone else loved theirs too. The perfect ending to a perfect class. Namaste

Change is good

Change. We tend to react one of two ways to change. We can either become tense, hard, opposed, and stressed or we can embrace, soften, and even become malleable under the weight of change. There is the possibility of a third reaction of indifference which seldom happens, at least seldom in my experiences. We are too opinionated most of the time to be indifferent or uncaring when change occurs.

I have been subconsciously resisting some shifts lately. It has caused me slight suffering, boredom, and loneliness. The changes I have recently experienced are fairly dramatic, but I have also had similar reactions to seemingly simple occurrences. The awareness of this recent opposition has allowed me to transform, to move and bend more freely. Quite literally, the awareness came from moving and bending. I have had a dedicated daily yoga practice now for a week. Yoga has truly allowed me to embrace, love, and wrap change up around me like a blanket. Every time I get on the mat I am allowing myself to be completely present in the now. In the here and now space, resistance is non-existent. This is the space of great growth, love and openness. Change is good.