Day Three

So, yesterday I forgot to mention the headaches and the extreme tiredness, I guess because they came on after I wrote the post. So the first two days I have experienced kind of a dull throbbing headache behind the eyes, even with drinking huge amounts of water. Today I had gatorade with lunch which I think will help.

The practice today was intense, a lot of anger bubbled up to the surface. We had a new teacher (new to me) and I found myself taking my anger out on him at times (in my mind.) It was a really strange sensation to be the thinking brain and also the unchanging self, watching the thinking brain. I am usually just the thinking brain- actually I think we all are, it is through practice that we become the conscious observer. So today's practice was all about observation for me. I watched myself react to my thoughts, it's not as schizophrenic as it sounds. It was really nice to get out of my head for a while. I am not of this body, I am not of this mind.

The past week I have been really 'heady' disconnected, sad even. Through my questioning- perhaps assisted by this intense Bikram yoga, I realized my sadness stems from a very real place. I was berating myself for not being motivated, for being tired, for not completing as much work as I'd like. It all came together when I suddenly became aware that a week ago was the anniversary of my father's suicide.

Ah Ha. As soon as the awareness entered my thinking mind, it was as if a little bit of weight was lifted off my shoulders, and as I began to process it, I could visualize my arms being released as if a monster had originally wrapped itself around me prohibiting my movement.

Now I can breathe a sign of relief, a sigh of grief, a sigh of gratitude for being able to have that awareness come.

Now I can rest.

What goes around comes around

This summer, and particularly this month has been a whirlwind of events and changes. All good, sometimes seemingly less than good at times, but coming full circle none the less. Amongst all the happenings I have been experiencing a few have stuck out . In between things like: signing up for a yoga teacher training program in Asheville, NC , returning to my mothers farm in Virginia for the fall to go back to school, leaving Josh behind in Savannah to finish up his program at SCAD, quitting my job in order to do all these things, some 'coincidences' have occurred.

Now, anyone who knows me, will understand that I use the term coincidence loosely. I am a firm believer in the "things happen for a reason" scenario, and that we are truly the creators of our own experience. These coincidences occur more commonly once we start to connect to our true selves, our god selves, or the divine inside us and others.

So, unsurprisingly, as I work on the latest issue of The Healthy Alternative which features advertisers and articles based on building a community here in Savannah, I become a piece of the puzzle. Through a series of people and events:

1. Meeting a friend David Acuff, through Josh's bike restoration business.
2. Which led us to GreenDrinks last Tuesday evening at Hang Fire.
3. Where we heard toastmasters of the evening DaVena and Tony Jordan speak on behalf of their organization AWOL, All Walks of Life.
4. Which is an organization working on providing low income families computers and Internet access, among many other things in the Savannah community.
5. Of whom I spoke at length during a lunch meeting with my friend Michael Elliott of the Union Mission, who told me it would be for my greater good to start a blog!

Which all led me back to my computer working on the 'One Small Step' section of our periodical. And it just so happens that my selection for this September issue is about recycling your old computers to local organizations and charities.

A light bulb turned on when I said to myself "Why don't we feature AWOL as the local charity and get our readers involved in the community too?"

Suddenly I had become the catalyst for change and growth. It felt similar to seeing a rainbow, or eating something from your childhood, or the expansion after a yoga class. If all this happened in around a week, imagine what can happen when we open ourselves up to the possibilities of connecting to our peers and our community on a regular basis....

Look for the September issue of The Healthy Alternative featuring:

AWOL,All Walks of Life, Inc.
P.O. Box 15846
Savannah, GA 31416
Donations can also be made online. www.awolinc.org

What goes around, comes around.